Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Its been over a year now since I was enrolled as a senior soldier. I remember the occassion well (even the pooping off of my top button on my jacket!) I was so happy that day. I also remember the very songs we sang and one of those songs we sang at roots on the Sunday (exactly a year later) 'Lord Reign in me'
A year on and I couldn't feel more differently. I was so excited then, ready and raring to go, I put all my trust in God. I wasn't afraid, or unsure, I just knew that God would take care of me and guide me. Its harder now. I'm struggling to find God. I know he's there 'cause I've felt Him, my past won't let me forget what he's done for me, but its like one long battle with my stubborn mind.
When I sang that song a year ago, it was a song of freedom, I was free in Christ's love, ready to go and do whatever! I sang it happily knowing that the Lord would Reign in me. A year on and that song has a whole new meaning. I sing it out of desperation for my God. 'Lord Reign in me, Reign in your power, Over all my dreams, In my darkest hour, You are the Lord, Of all I am, So won't you reign in me again' I want the Lord to reign in me like he has done before. I need Him, but I'm struggling to understand why God isn't meeting my need. I need him, I want him, I believe he can meet that need so why doesn't he?!
Maybe just maybe this is a test of my faith, and if so don't you think I've been tested long enough. I haven't given up even though I've wanted to, I'm still here now fighting all this, isn't it time I got some answers?! I'm scared what the future holds because I can't see God there right now. The excitements gone, I just see a desperate world that I don't believe I can help, its all too daunting. Trying to follow God is tough, I've discovered that now, so what hope does that give me?? If I can't understand what God wants how do I do what God wants?! I need some answers!!!
A year on and I couldn't feel more differently. I was so excited then, ready and raring to go, I put all my trust in God. I wasn't afraid, or unsure, I just knew that God would take care of me and guide me. Its harder now. I'm struggling to find God. I know he's there 'cause I've felt Him, my past won't let me forget what he's done for me, but its like one long battle with my stubborn mind.
When I sang that song a year ago, it was a song of freedom, I was free in Christ's love, ready to go and do whatever! I sang it happily knowing that the Lord would Reign in me. A year on and that song has a whole new meaning. I sing it out of desperation for my God. 'Lord Reign in me, Reign in your power, Over all my dreams, In my darkest hour, You are the Lord, Of all I am, So won't you reign in me again' I want the Lord to reign in me like he has done before. I need Him, but I'm struggling to understand why God isn't meeting my need. I need him, I want him, I believe he can meet that need so why doesn't he?!
Maybe just maybe this is a test of my faith, and if so don't you think I've been tested long enough. I haven't given up even though I've wanted to, I'm still here now fighting all this, isn't it time I got some answers?! I'm scared what the future holds because I can't see God there right now. The excitements gone, I just see a desperate world that I don't believe I can help, its all too daunting. Trying to follow God is tough, I've discovered that now, so what hope does that give me?? If I can't understand what God wants how do I do what God wants?! I need some answers!!!
Comments:
Post a Comment
