Louicat's world

This being holy lark is pretty hard you know. I want God to be No.1, I really do, but I'm just not consistant enough in keeping him top in my life. I ask myself how much of my life God has control over? How much time I spend with him in comparison to the things of this world; my answer is shameful. Being consistent is so important. I remember when a time in my life, when I lived in constant prayer, everywhere I went I talked with God, it sounds stupid but I would talk to God on the way to school, talk through the day ahead with him, if there was something I wasn't looking forward to I'd talk it through with God, and it was calming, I knew I had no need to be frightened by anything. (When I say I talked to God, I mean I really did verbally talk lol so I did get strange looks sometimes!) Somedays I'd be so filled with the spirit I'd half skip to school, smiling all the way, other days I'd be more reserved if I had some things I was concerned about, but it didn't matter how I felt, nothing could get me down 'cause I was fully relying on God and I had nothing to fear.

I want to be like that, acknowledging God's presence every moment of the day, at the moment I feel like I could slip so easily, but if I was in his presence I know I could manage, but thats where I'm falling, I'm not placing myself in his hands all the time, and I'm slipping through the cracks, I choose when to let him take care of me and when not, I don't have the self-discipline. What do I have to do to free myself of the things that pull me down in those moments?