Louicat's world

Okie Dokie folkies! ..currently bleeding please bear with me..

..tis all ok now, the spot has stopped oozing blood! Anyways..! Apparently I'm slacking! Tis a long time actually since I did blog, so here I am once more. I wonder if my life will interest you, well if not, writing is a good distraction from the heat!

Can't rememeber where we were up to last but briefly; I've finished school, I'm working and Steevying, and thats about it for the time being. I've been job hunting in Chester (fun fun isn't it callum!!) lol, lets just hope I get some replies! Well actually I've had one application form today which I've sent off, good start!

Now onto the more thought provoking stuff. Not liking the thought provoking stuff at the moment..you know when you have a problem, an obstruction, and you know its gotta go, but you don't really know how to go about it, and so you just leave it, in the hope it'll magically be ok (and sometimes it is magically ok), but not always. Well thats kind of how I feel about my relationship with God at the moment, well, what there is of it. I've left things to cool down a bit, stepped back so as to prevent getting hurt, but instead of taking things slowly, I think I'm actually going backwards? I'm scared of going into deep, I don't even know how to go in too deep! I don't know how to approach God? I just don't seem able to? And so I'm edging back with every attempt. You'd think I'd give up wouldnt you, that I wouldn't want a relationship with God if its gonna be so unachievable, but thats the annoying thing! I really want it! And yet at the same time I don't want it, cus I'm scared of the pain?! Its been playing on my mind constantly, I can never get rid of the thoughts in my head when they come, and part of me doesn't want them to go, but its a constant distraction, not that I really have much to be distracted from at the mo, in fact I've got more time to think and work things out than I've had for ages, but will this time be any different form the rest? Will this 'pause to think' actually be fruitful? Or will it just lead to the same dissapointment that I've become so wary of?

Who knows.